Tea for Two

I have to take a moment to share my appreciation for my husband. During our Sunday evening prayer time tonight, David and I got to thinking about what life, and marriage, was like during residency (1 kid, 1 real job and 1 crazy job) and now (2 young kids, 1 full-time job and 1 part-time job). It's still a challenge to set-aside 1:1 time together, but it's definitely better. Better than last year, and most certainly better than 18 months ago. There were a number of ways David recognized needs of our family during my residency and made changes to address them, including when he took over the majority of meal planning and cooking after I went back to work when Jonathan was 3 months old. I can't thank him enough for giving me those first hours home from work to spend with Jonathan, not distracted by meal preparation.

But another big change, in my eyes, was tea time. After another awful month in the ER working 12 hour shifts, switching between days and nights twice a week, the majority of our communication revolved around who was watching Jonathan when, hoping we didn't leave any hours or days unaccounted for. I was crabby... pretty chronically crabby, and easily irritated with my husband. It became evident how difficult it is to maintain a marriage without any time to spend with each other. Recognizing my need for "quality time," David suggested we sit down for half an hour to chat over a cup of tea each night after putting Jonathan to bed... before cleaning, finishing the dishes, or getting too tired to think. I suspect 50 years from now when I'm asked "what worked" in our marriage, tea time will still be one of my first answers.

So many evenings have started with a basic, "how was your day?" and ended with a meaningful conversation over something neither of us had realized needed addressing. A couples devotion book given to us when we married, and largely unopened until last year, has provoked some enlightening conversations. I'm so grateful to my husband for his initiative and the gift of his time and undivided attention. When a friend of his recently asked David what he might do to help his wife feel more supported, David suggested evening tea time, and I have to agree. It's one of his best ideas yet.